I Miss Her
by DaughteroftheValar1701
Summary: A young Tirnel wanders away from Radagast's home, in search of her mother's grave. Will she make it back alive, or join her mother beneath the soil? [Short background on Secret Daughter, my main story. It could stand alone, but the link's on my profile!]


Hello! This is a gift for all my faithful readers. Today is the 6 month anniversary of my first story, and this is a bit of background on Tirnel. I'm sorry for slacking off on posting, but life gets in the way sometimes. Next chapter will be up soon, I hope.

* * *

Tirnel dug her toes into the ground, making the swing stretch backwards. The oppressive heat filtering down through the branches had forced Radagast inside for the day, but Tirnel stayed out, using the swing attached to a tree behind the house. She hummed a bit of a song, then pulled her feet up and swung.

The heat and the green-gold light that filled the clearing made her sleepy, but she got off the swing and wandered inside. Radagast was making bowls, but he stopped and looked up as she entered. "Hello, Hallothneth," he said. She grinned at him before taking a half-finished bowl and a knife to her seat by the window.

"Radagast," she said.

"Yes, little one?"

"What was my mother like?"

Radagast put down his bowl warily. Tirnel's bare feet scuffed the dirt floor as she carved, waiting for his answer. "I did not know her."

"Yes, you did! She gave me to you."

"Yes, child, but…" Radagast sighed. How do you explain such a thing to a child? "She had no choice, Hallie. You would have been killed, had she not given you up to me. The spiders are always hungry."

Tirnel wrinkled her nose at the nickname, but did not reply immediately. A cat slunk in through the door which Tirnel had left open and leapt into the low rafters. "What about my father?" Tirnel asked, setting aside the completed bowl.

"He... was also killed. I could not save him." Radagast winced internally as Tirnel turned suspicious golden eyes on him, but she thankfully dropped the subject.

They went back to carving, Tirnel starting an image of a flower that grew in the wall, Radagast finishing his bowl. The house was silent but for the buzzing of insects and the lazy swishing of the cat's tail against the dried herbs in the rafters.

"You would never lie to me, would you, Radagast?" Tirnel said suddenly. Radagast's finger slipped against the blade of his knife and he swore quietly.

" _Damn_. No, child, I would never lie to you. You are the nearest thing that I have to a child, and I love you."

She smiled, setting aside the half-done flower. "I love you too, Radagast. I'm going back out again!" He watched her go warily. She had probably guessed the truth, which made him very uneasy.

Once outside, Tirnel sat by the edge of the well and drew a bit of water. It was cold from being in the ground, and she poured a bit over her head before sitting again on the swing to think. _**I think he was lying about lying,**_ she thought angrily. _**I know he loves me, but why does he have to lie about my father? He can't lie about my mother, because I remember her dying. I even know where she's buried, though she's in Valinor.**_ Suddenly she sat up straight, an idea starting in her mind.

* * *

Radagast exited the back door of his house at dusk, intending to call Tirnel inside from the growing dark. He was astonished to find that her little pony Baramben was gone, as was her traveling cloak. He went back in and discovered that the knife she had been using to carve the bowls was gone too.

That settled it. He immediately took his own cloak and called to the rabbits. Ês lowed at him from her pen, but he ignored her and set off into the gloaming.

* * *

An hour into Tirnel's journey, Baramben was panting from the heat. Tirnel always rode bareback, so she could not remove a saddle to make him feel better. Instead, she dismounted and walked beside him. "We'll make it, Ben," she muttered. He snuffled at her fingers for carrots. She giggled and looked around for the landmarks that she had set, discreetly marking the way to her mother's grave.

Birds called in the trees, some twittering greetings towards her. Baramben plodded along, occasionally stopping to drink from small brooks that crossed their path, but Tirnel drank the well-water that she had taken with her. It was a beautiful day in the forest, which was uncommon but most welcome. A fallen tree lay across the path ahead, low enough that Baramben could not pass beneath it and high enough so that he could not jump over it.

Tirnel stopped and puzzled at the tree for a while, reluctant to leave the path without Radagast. A crack in the branches behind her reminded Tirnel that she was not alone, so she took hold of Baramben's bridle and led him around the tree's crown.

It had been an old tree before it fell. The many branches were covered in dead leaves, and the branches were thick. Baramben huffed in annoyance as his mane and tail snagged on twigs. Tirnel patted his nose and pushed the leaves away from her face, noting dimly as she did that they were coated with some sort of sticky rope.

* * *

Radagast ducked as the rabbits sprinted under a fallen tree, their eyesight uncanny even in the near-darkness. The blue stone glowed at the end of Radagast's staff, casting a dim light ahead of him. He muttered "Hyah!" as the rabbits slowed, swerving around a large lump in the path. Glancing back, the wizard realised what it had been and pulled back sharply on the reins.

He leapt off the sled and ran to the lump, drawing an elven blade as he did so and cutting through the cobwebs that bound the creature. After a moment he realised that it was Baramben. The pony was deeply asleep, snuffling as he breathed. The poisons of spiders worked fast, but it seemed that they would want to soften up the pony before eating him.

The strands binding him hadn't been very strong, so Radagast supposed that the spiders had heard him coming and had abandoned their meal. That meant that Tirnel had to be around here, somewhere. Radagast shook Baramben to wake him, but it didn't work. Reluctantly, he poked the pony with the tip of the sword. Baramben woke with a start, turning dark and frightened eyes on Radagast, who shushed him. Standing, the wizard lit the end of his staff and began to search for his elfling.

* * *

Tirnel was tired. She'd been running for a long while, and had no notion of where the path was. She had pushed through the branches, only to stumble upon a large group of spiders. They had hissed in delight, giving chase as Tirnel panicked and ran. The spiders had stopped following her some time ago, but her own terrified mind made her hear cracks in the undergrowth and hisses from the branches. She tumbled down a small hill, hair and clothes snagging on the underbrush. At the bottom was a small creek, probably a tributary of the Enchanted River, though devoid of its magic: all it did was thoroughly soak the elfling in its freezing waters. She sat up, hair messy and dripping, the dirt on her face and body turning to mud as she stood. The air was turning cold, and she shuddered as she stepped out of the creek.

A deer appeared at the top of the opposite bank, peering down at the bedraggled and filthy elf. Tirnel grinned and stretched a hand towards the creature, but it just turned and fled into the darkened trees. Tirnel scrambled up the bank to follow, and found that the top of the bank marked the edge of a clearing, which was empty of deer. A sapling grew on one side, bare of leaves. Tirnel walked closer to it and saw that it was an almond tree. It stood alone in a thicket of pricker bushes, but Tirnel pushed her way towards it, eyes blurring with tears.

She arrived at the tree and crouched at the base, ignoring the briars that scratched her face. She shoved a low-hanging branch aside to reveal a light blue dress, torn and soiled. The blood that stained it had long since dried and looked black now, but it was not difficult to tell what it had once looked like, especially since Tirnel had seen it when it was fresh and still spreading. She had seen it when there had been a warm body inside it, and she had clung to the skirt. She gathered a handful of skirt, where a little muddy handprint had been. The dried mud crumbled under her fingers, but she simply closed her eyes and spoke. "Hello, naneth."

* * *

Radagast wiped the cobwebs from Variele's silvery blade, then turned to find a spider a few feet from his face. They stared at each other for a moment, the wizard's face reflected back in the spider's many eyes.

Then Radagast slammed his staff down, sending a wave of blue magic through the trees and the spider reeling back. Before all eight of its legs found the ground again, Variele had punctured its abdomen and killed it. The pale blue light emanating from the staff kept any other spiders at bay, but Radagast still hurried to get Baramben back. The rabbits clustered about Radagast's feet, too frightened to pull their sled, but the light of the staff was fading, and the spiders were creeping in.

* * *

Tirnel heard the hissing of spiders, not too far off, but she didn't run. She lay low in the bushes, wincing as their thorns scratched her face. The dress no longer held her mother, but it still smelled like her: juniper and pine. A crack came from the other side of the clearing, followed by hissing laughter.

"We smell you, little elf," a spider hissed. "We are hungry. We will feed. And if not on you, then on this morsel."

"Stay where you are, Hallie!" Radagast's voice yelled. A grunt of pain followed these words, and the spiders laughed.

Tirnel tried not to make a sound, peering out from between the spiky leaves. Five spiders sat on the other side of the clearing, hissing with laughter as one of them swung a bundle back and forth by a long thread. Brown cloth poked out from between the sticky ropes, and a yelp of pain came forth when a spider poked the bundle with a claw. A silver sword sat beside a tree, unnoticed by the spiders.

Another grunt of pain spurred her into action. Creeping carefully away from the almond tree, Tirnel skirted the edge of the clearing and crawled down the bank of the creek. The spiders continue to call towards the pricker bushes, toying with their captive wizard, but Tirnel had managed to come up behind them. The sword was so close, only a few feet away, but Tirnel's luck ran out.

A spider, one with an especially keen sense of smell, turned suspiciously as the smell of elven blood moved, and it spotted her as she went for the blade. It barely enough time to hiss "Oi!" before Tirnel had grabbed the blade and went for the bundle.

Luckily for the spiders, Tirnel had learned little of swordplay, and did not try to kill them. Unluckily for them, though, was the fact that she immediately freed Radagast, who knew how to defend himself very well and had soon dispatched them all. Tirnel dodged as the last spider attempted to trap her, wincing as Radagast killed it with a grunt of pain.

Turning heavily, Radagast faced Tirnel. She immediately looked away, eyes filling. "Words fail me, Hallothneth." Radagast's voice was heavy. "You ran away. You left the path, and almost got the two of us and Baramben killed." He shook his head. "What will I do with you, child?" he whispered.

The tears fell over Tirnel's eyelids, and she ducked her head. "I am sorry, Radagast," she whispered. "I… I wanted to be where she died." A sob broke through her speech. "I miss her."

"Oh, come here, child." Radagast held out his arms for a hug. Tirnel stepped forward tentatively, then hugged him. "I know you miss your mother," he murmured into her tangled hair. "I know how it feels to lose loved ones. You were so young." They remained close in a silent embrace, Tirnel sobbing gently into the wizard's cloak. "Come, we must leave here before the spiders return."

Variele's blade was coated in black blood, and as he released her, Radagast got an idea. "Hallie, since I had to save you and you barely know how to use this sword, I am going to ask my friend Gandalf to teach you."

Tirnel's head jerked up, excitement gleaming in her teary eyes. "The Grey Wizard? Mithrandir?"

Radagast laughed. "Yes, my dear. You need to learn to defend yourself, if you should wander off again, though I hope you do not."

She laughed, then called for Baramben. He hobbled out of the trees, seeming to perk up when he saw the elfling, who ran over and threw her arms around his neck.

"Come on, Hallothneth. Back home again," Radagast called. Tirnel smiled and joined the wizard on the sled. Baramben walked beside them as they made their way home.

* * *

Several months later, Tirnel was fixing a hole in the roof when she heard a horse approaching. She pressed herself against the roof, invisible from the ground. An elf from the palace had visited Radagast the previous week, and Tirnel had been forced to hide in the rafters until he had gone.

Now, she saw an old man approach, dressed in all grey with a pointed hat perched on unkempt grey hair. He dismounted as his horse stopped before the door, and knocked on it with a long staff. Radagast opened up, then laughed. "Gandalf! Good gracious, you gave me a fright. Good morning, my dear fellow!"

"What do you mean?" Gandalf replied. "Do you mean to wish me a good morning, or that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps that you feel good on this particular morning? Or that this a morning to be good on?"

"All of them at once," Radagast laughed. "Hallothneth! Come out from wherever you are hiding. This is Gandalf!"

Tirnel slid down the side of the house, landing in a crouch before the two wizards. Radagast smiled as Tirnel straightened up, looking warily at the newcomer.

"So, this is the 'little problem' that Radagast mentioned to me?" Gandalf said. "The reason he has spent so much time enclosed in Mirkwood?" Tirnel scowled. "I mean no insult," Gandalf added. "I can tell that you were worth his time, and you shall be worth mine. Come along then, T—"

"No!" Radagast snapped. Both of the others glanced over, confused. "I told you, Gandalf," Radagast hissed. "Her name is Hallothneth."

Gandalf looked back to Tirnel. "Very well, then," he said. "Hallothenth, let us begin your training."

* * *

So there we go! We learn how Tirnel can fight, and we also get a cute nickname. Hallie? Come on, that's adorable. Okay, hope you liked it, and drop me a line! (psst, they motivate me to post...) Love you all!


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